now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
