Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
