I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
