Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
