never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
