8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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