my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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