I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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