This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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