I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
