that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
