I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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