It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
