He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
