you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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