I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
