In the future we'll all be gay
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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