he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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