Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
