I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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