You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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