Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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