I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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