After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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