So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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