hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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