I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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