This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
