She said her name was "party"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
