how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
