The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
