i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bring me that man meat
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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