So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
