Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
