Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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