I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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