she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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