if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you win again, gameday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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