So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
