just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
