Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
