im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
