Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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