I think I won the penis lottery.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're a waste of cheezeits
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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