I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
