I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
