summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
