You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
