You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
