I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
