As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize