oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
