party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
