Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
