Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
