Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
