He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
