420 ftw
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
