Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How does one acquire holy water?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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