Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize