Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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