The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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