No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Every concussion has its silver lining
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
