I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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