i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
