mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
