Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
