she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
