Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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