I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
