That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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